Goodbye Dallas Hello World: Revenge of Dr. Flat Butt!

100 Before 100

1. Learn to knit

2. Write a cookbook

3. Learn how to clap to the beat of music on my own (No, seriously. This is an issue)

4. Start a by-mail book swap with my amazingly smart high school friends

5. Learn how to use photoshop

6. Get a puppy and train him so well that I can go for a run and she/he will follow behind me with no instruction

7. Go to every continent

8. Be fluent in French

9. Watch all of Hitchcock's classic movies

10. Celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary

11. Throw a party that people will be talking about for years as one of the best events they've ever been to.

12. Write in a journal daily for a year

13. Learn to scuba dive (I received scuba lessons as a Christmas present! I'm one step closer to knocking this off my list!)

14. Ride an elephant

15. Read War and Peace

16. Have a white christmas

17. Wear a tutu in all seriousness in public

18. Build my dream kitchen (subway tile, giant stove, sofas for hanging out....)

19. Work on conquering my fear/phobia of needles to the point where I can get a shot without being slightly hysterical

20. Learn how to make delicious Indian food (there have been some very failed attempts in the past)

21. Live in a city that is no more than an hour drive from the mountains

22. Create a 5-year plan that is feasible, interesting, and exciting.

23. Go to the World's Longest Yard Sale in Tennessee.

24. Win the weekly cartoon-captioning contest in the New Yorker.

25. Go 12 months without losing a cell phone.

26. Donate 10+ inches of hair to Locks of Love

27. See the Taj Majal

28. Collect and record stories about my family from my grandparents

29. Break the habit of picking at the skin around my nails. Youch! It hurts!

30. Bungy jump from the world's tallest bungy jump from Bloukrans bridge in South Africa.

31. Have a “signature dish”—something that everyone will ask me to bring to a potluck.
32. Go ice fishing.
33. Get all of my amazing girlfriends across the nation together for an unforgettable weekend.
34. Spend a month in the woods with nothing but the pack on my back and whatever I can carry in it.
35. Use the phrase “the last time I was in Thailand” in a completely legitimate way.
36. Own my own company.
37. Learn how to clean and cook and entire fish.
38. Play with a baby elephant

39. Run a 7-minute mile.
40. Compete in a hot air balloon race.

41. Live in a foreigncountry
42. Play tennis at a 4.0 level (right now I'm a measly 2.75)
43. Learn the names of the constellations
44. Beat my Mom at Scrabble (never. going. to happen.)
45. Start a compost pile
46. Buy a gorgeous piece of stained glass
47. Learn how to be a good haggler
48. Wear a two-piece with ease again
49. Be an extra in a movie
50. Learn how to play chess

**Update-- due to a large number of creepers coming to my blog from searching all sorts of dirty things I've changed around a few of the words here so maybe I won't get so many google hits about my behind.

I won't lie. I've got a big butt. I'm packing heat. I'm not saying that I'm Kim Kardashian or anything but I've never had any issues in the curves department.

Last weekend while walking around town my sweet and loving boyfriend decided that my personal super power would be my butt. That's right-- he named me the "Big Bo0ty Superhero". I would battle the evil Doctor Flat Butt whose behind was removed in a terrible accident, creating a never ending lust for revenge and the inability to sit comfortably on public transportation. I would battle my nemeses with a quick hip bump and the chant "Big Bo0ty Big Bo0ty- oh yea, Big Bo0ty!".

Embracing the goodness that is my behind I thought this was hilarious. Now if he had named me something like "Captain Muffin Top" I would not have been quite as amused.

Little did I know that Doctor Flat Butt really is out there and trying to zap my power one "Bo0ty Enhancing" pair of panties at a time. If you haven't seen them yet, let me introduce B0oty Pop. These padded panties come with a warning:

With just a little padding you too can go from a boring girl in an argyle sweater to a big b0otied sex siren with hair blowing in the wind.

Would you? Could you? HAVE you?

5 comments- my fav!:

Jess said...: July 15, 2010 at 1:59 PM; I wouldn't because I'm pretty sorted in that department if I do say so myself lol. Though I'm curious what it would be like to sit down with all that padding...
Kate said...: July 16, 2010 at 2:55 PM; That ad is ridiculously hilarious. I'm in the same big booty department too though so I can't say I'd ever try these out. Thank god for the warning though because without it I may have thoughtlessly bought them!
I'm with Ed said...: July 16, 2010 at 7:09 PM; As a lady who also has a large booty, I was cracking up when I saw this commercial! It's hilarious! I guess I've just always wanted my butt to be smaller, so to see people who want to pad their butts, just blows my mind!
chelsea rebecca said...: July 19, 2010 at 1:32 AM; THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!
i saw the commercial for this and i did a double take like woooaaah. is this really happening?? hahah.
Erin @ SYL: Slipcover Your Life said...: July 19, 2010 at 9:12 AM; i saw this in an us weekly this weekend and I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped. REALLY?