Camera Cord, where for art thou?

I seem to be physically incapable of keeping track of the cord to my camera....

I know it's somewhere in my apartment. Where is simply the issue.

Also, I really craving a big bowl of soup. Anyone want to bring some to me? Maybe for lunch in bed? And then will you rub my back? And maybe play with my hair?

Oh and while you're here will you see if you can find my camera cord?

air kisses,
M

Tomorrow is Friday, right?

I am so excited for this weekend! I can barely keep it all in!

I'm headed to Chapel Hill, NC to visit friends from high school, drink beers at Top 'O, and eat late night burritos at Cosmic Cantina.

All while wearing this amazing new shirt my mom treated me to this weekend!

(why yes, my thighs do indeed look just like that.)

I know it's only Tuesday but I want the weekend here NOW!

The key to world peace: TexMex

As seniors in high school my best friends and I had a weekly tradition. Each Thursdays we would go to La Carreta for lunch. We would sit in the same booth and order the exact same thing every time. Until he got deported (true story) our usual waiter, Miguel Lopez, always brought us one order of "cheese dip". My dear friends from Texas might be asking "¿Que es 'cheese dip'?"

Well senoritas, cheese dip is the northern cousin of queso. While queso was brought across the Rio Grande by a coyote and fought a pack of wild rats to live a better life in those apartments behind Sam's on Park Lane and Greenville Avenue. Cheese dip lives in suburbs (perhaps Southlake) in a really nice subdivision and call itself "Latino"because once they visited their grandmother who lives in San Antonio.

(ugh. must I be such a do-gooder* and always credit the source?)

Cheese dip is white and gooey and sometimes there will be one jalapeno floating on the top.

It is no Bob Armstrong. It's not even velveta melted with rotel. Not even if you drink a pitcher of margaritas and squint your eyes.

(I actually like the queso at Chuy's better than Mattito's; but it doesn't have a sweet name.)

When I saw my loves in Vegas we dove into a Tex-Mex dinner and it was AMMMAZING.

But shockingly we didn't order queso or even cheese dip! What has happened to us? Have we gotten so old that we actually choose not to order 2000 calories of liquid goodness?

But don't worry. I'm going back to Dallas in 2 weeks and you can be sure that I'll be hitting up Chuy's happy hour with unlimited queso. mhhhhh.



* My sorority's moto is "Do Good"- while grammatically incorrect I am forever stuck with this do-gooder burden.

Identity Crisis

When I told you a few days ago that I took a break from blogging because I was uninspired it wasn't the complete truth. I have also been struggling with the tone and subject matter of my little blog. When I started the blog it was about traveling through Europe for 4 months. I am now between trips and some how my blog has turned into a lifestyle blog. Except I'm not doing anything especially interesting with my life now: I don't have a job, I'm living in an apartment that is not mine that is already furnished, and I am not spending any money on clothes. I just feel as if my life is boring and therefore I have nothing interesting to say.

The other issue is that the tone of this blog has felt a little bit like a letter I would write to my high school magazine-- always chipper, polite, and a little flat. I'm not like this in real life. I'm not always so pleasant. I curse, a lot. I make jokes. I say snarky and bitchy remarks. I love gossip. I complain. I don't always use sentences with correct punctuation.

Basically, the blog as of late hasn't really been feeling exactly like ME. It feels like me at a really long extended job interview. Maybe that's for the best since this is out to the public and I make my identity fairly known? I don't have any answers for now but I am going to try to start being more me from now on.

Get excited-- I'm pretty fabulous.

She want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey) that kiss kiss (kiss kiss)

So, to continue on in this random blabbering about google's answer to "how to be a good kisser" I took a small quiz-- omg is was so effing long, like 29 questions-- to determine my skilz (yea, that's right- skilz- not skills). Besides taking foooorever to compete the questions were totally jacked up. I've been making out consistently for over a decade (slut) and couldn't help but laugh at these questions because for the love of fancy cheeses who is going to choose "going for gusto"?!

(please note the really worrisome add underneath for teenage depression)

And now for the big reveal. Despite the absurdity of some of the answers I tired to answer as honestly as possible with a real effort and hopes that I could get an official certificate declaring my kissing to be badass (or is it bad ass). Here was my score:
WHAT THE EF? An 81? That's a B-! B minus? Or at my ridiculous high school that was on a 7 point scale that would have been a solid C! I have to be a better kisser than that! My ten years of dedicated practice making out have been for NOTHING.

It's not that I was even mad; I was just disappointed in myself...

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

When I made stuffed baked leftover baked potato deliciousness a few weeks ago I wanted to google how to bake a potato in the microwave. But then I got distracted by the second to last suggestion "how to be a good kisser".

Que? Of course I was thrown off my dinner making course by this awesome search idea. Let me give you some background-- I think the meanest thing a person could say about me is that I'm a bad kisser. Call me a bad friend, stupid, or ugly and I can handle those. I can defend myself against those kind of accusations. But call me a bad kisser and OMG I have no defense! I mean... I've had repeat kissing customers. I have a boyfriend; if you have a boyfriend you are a good kisser, right? BUT WHAT IF I AM A BAD KISSER?

So, now you understand why this google search was eye opening for me. And now let me tell you about how it became HI-larious.

The first google response was from lifestyle.iloveindia.com and was written as a kissing tutorial for me (and I don't think just Indian men). I've taken the highlights of the article and left my comments in blue

It is said that just after one kiss, a woman comes to know whether you are the one she can spend her entire life with, or not. (oh please, if this was the case I would be spending my life with Daniel S, my first kiss who jammed his tongue down my throat at a football game, ah young lust) I’m sure that this one liner must have stressed the importance of kissing, for all you guys out there....

Kissing Tips & Techniques

• First things first! Make sure that your physical appearance is attractive. Otherwise, the other person will not even feel like kissing. (Not true if that person is wasted. Beer googles are always a good way to get a girl to kiss you)
  
• Kissing means using lips. (Oh shit. This explains so much...) Make sure you lips are soft and supple and for that, start using lip balm on a daily basis.
  
• Nobody wants to kiss garlic or onion or say, smoke. Do not kiss if you have just had smelly things for lunch or smoked cigarettes. At the same time, always keep mints with you, for that perfect fresh breath. (ALWAYS! you never know when you might need to plant a kiss after eating a tuna sami and smoking a pack)
  
• Always try different types of kisses. French kiss is not the only kiss in the world. (Just get ready for the list of kinds of kisses coming below. The can be summed up with three letters: WTF)
  
• Don’t become so lost in the kiss, so as to completely forget the other person. Be attentive to his/her non-verbal responses. (Creeping me out....)
  
• Lastly, be confident. Getting nervous while kissing is sure to make the beautiful sensations (still creeping me out. And why use bold on just the creepiest words?) end up in a mess. Just go with the flow.

Different Kiss Types

Many people believe that there are only two types of kisses - check kiss and French kiss. However, the realm of kiss is very vast. To know more, read on! (Ummm don't you know about the cow kiss where you fully lick someone else's head? no? must just be my friends...)

• In the Butterfly Kiss, you bring your face very close to that of your partner and then, flutter your eyelashes rapidly. (Okay... this is normal, I've heard of this... but I'm not going to break it out in a bar to seduce Chris)
  
• Earlobe Kiss involves sipping and sucking the earlobe of the partner. Since you are so close to the ear, do not make too loud noises. (Oh the mental audio here! slurp slurp slurp!)
  
• Considered an erotic kiss, Foot Kiss involves gently sucking the toes and then, kissing the foot very lightly. (SICK NASTY. seriously. the only way I'm putting a foot in my mouth is if it's thoroughly washed. nope. not even then. still making me want to barf.)
  
• Freeze Kiss, also known as Melt Kiss, is the one in which you put an ice cube into your mouth and kiss your partner, while passing the cube to his/her mouth with your tongue. (too. much. work.)
  
• While doing the Fruity Kiss, you put a piece of a juicy fruit between your lips. While kissing you nibble a part of the fruit, while he nibbles the other. (I like to call this The Lady and The Tramp)
  
• Hot and Cold Kiss involves first licking your partners lips to make them warm and then, blowing on them to make them cold. Keep alternating. (whhhhattt? I just imagine some poor 14 year old boy trying this and it becoming terribly awkward. ohhh or substitue 14 year with freshman in college and it gets even funnier)
• In Trickle Kiss, you take a sip of your favorite drink and then, trickle it into your partner’s mouth while kissing.(Yes, please dribble your backwash into my mouth... mmmmh the Fresca is delicious.)
• Wake Up Kiss is more about time than technique. Just before your partner is about to wake up, kiss him/her - starting with the cheeks and ending at the lips. Then, softly say - Good Morning! (In order to fully time this kiss stay up all night watching your partner sleep. Also quietly murmur "I love you pretty birdy. you're mine... all mine...")

Seriously? Who writes this stuff? Are people all across the world having "Trickle Kisses" followed by boldly kicking off their shoes and going for a "Foot Kiss"?

Don't worry kids. I have more kissing goodness saved up for tomorrow when I will share with you the most effed up test about kissing ever. Here, enjoy this sampling of what's in store:

Back in the saddle

Hello love bugs.

I'm back. Sorry for the absence lately. I've been in kind of a blogging funk and just couldn't become inspired to write and then I hadn't written anything and so it became even more cumbersome to write because I felt like "ACK now I must write something truly witty and entertaining to make up for not writing at all." Little did I know that the kick in the butt to start writing again would come from the IRS (not that this post will be witty or even slightly entertaining)(that comment was witty, right?).

Yes, you read that right, the IRS.

When we came home from lunch on Saturday Chris and I checked the mail and a had a letter from the IRS. My first thoughts were of panic. Serious panic. Why would the IRS be sending me a letter? Had I not paid something? It wasn't even March yet, tax aren't due for months. Oh God am I going to be audited? I don't even really know what that means!

And honestly, Chris was no help; I asked him if he had ever gotten a letter from the IRS and his exact words were "uh no. Why? Did you get one?" with a less than comforting tone of voice.

Being the incredibly brave girl (or am I technically a woman now at 24?) that I am I ripped the envelope open to find this message:

We're Sending you a Replacement Check

Our records show that you didn't cash you original refund check for tax year 2007. The original refund check was for $119.00.

WOOOHHOOOOO! I know it's only $119 but I'm still stoked! Seeing as I don't have a job right now this little surprise from my senior year of college will help to pay some bills! I mean, really this is basically free money! Oh but I do wish that I could go buy something pretty; maybe I'll take a little browse across the internet and just pretend to buy things?

I hope the IRS treats all of you so well this year! What would you do with an unexpected $119?